Monday, June 29, 2009

The Buddha, Almost!

Bad times are rolling. And good folks are few and far between. Times are no longer simple. Those good old days are no more there. A hard day’s work in the field, a decent pack lunch, a refreshing cup of wine, a doting wife waiting by the hearth ready with dinner, squeals of little children scampering around you in playful mood, bedtime stories, and a goodnight’s sleep. Golden dreams.

Early morning prayer before the altar. A mug of hot, steaming suja with corn flakes, hand beaten. Off to work. Wisp of freshness in the air. Spring birds chirping among the trees. Flowers just sprinkling out into the open. The gurgle of the stream nearby. The rays of the morning sunlight over the brow. A bamboo hat. A flask full of local brew. The damsel’s songs. The spades and feel of wet soil. The source of life. Everything is perfect, almost.

It is ideal, utopia so to say. The men worked out in the field, the women stayed back home, rearing the children. And weaving. There would often be festivals, lots of food, meat. Lots of alcohol. Lots of dancing and singing. Old and the aged, adults and married, singles and the young, little children too, at the get-together.

And then change came. Gushing like a flood or a wild conflagration, sweeping away and burning down the old ways of life. Disaster and havoc prevailed. It stole the simplicity, the innocence, and the joie de vivre of the life that was. Complete metamorphosis. Chaos reigned supreme.

Time is money. I am spaced out, too much stress, both physical and mental. And it takes too much of drinking to quell that pressure off the shoulders. I am lost in the world of vanity- brands, swanky cars, power and status. Money talks! Colorful, late night bars, sex workers and gigs. Promiscuity, failed marriages, failed love, broken hearts, terrible experiences.

Broad versus narrow mindedness. Sexual freedom-everything is fair in love and sex, plus sugar daddies and sugar mamas. The birth of the ultra-modern (wo)man. Absolute fun! No bar whatsoever, just raise it higher. Living in the moment or living in borrowed times?

Nirvana. Instant crave for enlightenment and desire to levitate to a different reality. Human yet not exactly one. Animal, not yet either. Too much of Identity crisis, it is. Let’s do drugs, softer ones to start with. Chemical. Pills. Sugar. Crack. Bring it on. I like the high. I am the Buddha, almost.

Well, money is no problem. My dad’s a filthy rich man and my mom too is a filthy rich woman. They live their own lives, so do I? They don’t complain about me, I don’t complain about them. It’s a fair deal. Rest assured I just do what pleases me.

Tag: jobless. I dropped out of school. A lot of family problems. I could not stand it. I roam the streets, day in and day out. I Smoke shit, marijuana and sniff fluid. I feel good. I forget my reality.

I dance, in the bar, smile at strangers and sleep with them. Don’t worry, I have protected sex. Condoms are free, even dotted ones these days. (Well and good!) I earn quite a lot and lead quite a decent life. I save some and send it back home to my poor mother and for the education of my younger siblings. I know but that’s all I can do. It’s tough to be a woman, an unfortunate one.

I have been in and out. For petty crimes-shop lifting, robbery, pilfering etc. I am just 18. Not actually, I will be turning 18 this fall. Who cares about age? I got a girl friend who is pregnant. I am going to be a dad very soon. And she is just sweet sixteen. It is normal, we start quite early. I am just another teenager on the prowl.

Well, I did try to get a job, but life is difficult. I gave up schooling early in life. My parents could not afford it. I wore rubber shoes to school. It was embarrassing. I sat under a tree, dreaming on an empty stomach, rats running all over it. While others had packed meals. Everyday of school was a picnic for them. So one day I ran away. And never looked back.

Yes, I can, if I have to. Necessity is the mother of all invention. Kill somebody or murder? It won’t be easy but not impossible. It’s a dog-eat-dog world. Totally. I am just another dog. I will eat than be eaten.

They talk about happiness, rather promises of happiness. And they care too much about their own happy-ness, fat pay checks, bungalows waiting for them to move in, big cars, colored kabneys, and gilded silver swords. Dasho, call me that! And a smirk flashes across their faces. They have it all, everything mundanely possible. Yet they go on, chattering over and again with their pseudo patriotism, usurped ideals and ideologies.

The man in the red robes taught me that we have a Buddha inside us, every one of us. All we have to do is recognize that Buddha nature. Positive motivation, positive actions, and positive merits will come our way. So in the next life, it would be even more beautiful. Definitely, of course!


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